Joshua “comma Texas Ranger” Walker is a man of simple tastes. Do not offer him a popsicle made of delicious fruits and delectable creams. No, this is a man that would rather eat a pickle-juice popsicle instead of your normal, sugar-water popsicles. This dedication to pickle juice has resulted in completely abnormal strength for Joshua as he has never, ever, in his entire life, broken a bone. Makes you think about drinking pickle juice instead of milk to ward off that osteoporosis, eh? Joshua has lived a humble life, delivering pizzas for several years in Seattle, blowing out his transmission on all the hills in downtown Seattle, and narrowly missing crowds of pedestrians as his un-street worthy car barreled him toward certain doom. No one was hurt in said incident, least of all Josh, which he contributes whole-heartedly to the pickle juice phenomenon. Josh often carries around with him pieces of ancient technology from lost civilizations including a “flip phone” dated circa 2005. Because he is a quiet man and not a stalker, the only famous person Josh has ever met was George Strait’s dad, on a cruise ship, in Alaska, when he was 8 years old. Josh was 8, that is. Not George Strait’s dad. I mean, I know he’s got a flip phone, but come on. He’s not THAT old.